“Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies” Aristotle
When you lose that trust, that friendship bond that was there, it is hard to put it back as before. I thought I had her to run to, comfort perhaps. We might have used each other as vetting machines, but the trust I had for her was a great deal for me. It all started small and silly, her new annoying habits. A simple misunderstanding and I thought a simple sorry would patch things up. At this point, I would count on all the habits I did not like about her, but was more difficult to share out what was bothering me and instead I chose to pile all the shit in.
The silence between us haunted me for weeks. I chose to reach out to her and stich the broken pieces which went well. I knew I would use solid friendship from a girlfriend. With time, I have learnt as much as we would want to put our spouses as our best friends, there is that one time you feel like talking to someone else. For that reason, a girlfriend would work. Of Couse you will agree with me that they are good for moral support through tough times. It is unfortunate for someone like me who does not make friends easily. You probably understand why I bottled up all what I felt about her. I had to prevent losing one of the few friends I have.
Being loyal is what I expect from my few friends. At first we were on each other’s team, unbreakable they said but this last period of separation got me thinking, what changes people? Sincerely, a lot had changed. She was arrogant, careless and disrespectful. The sweet friend with devoted attachment and affection was lost somewhere or at least never existed. Her alter ego was so powerful that it over shadowed her true self as she led a life of selfishness.
“I am the most beautiful……most brilliant……..most eloquent……queen of English language…”she always said.
I don’t like how she was making everyone feel she deserves to be worshiped. Mother superior was all I could think of her whenever she commented, cutting other people’s conversation very rudely. I wouldn’t blame her; she has a good language command and was lucky to be born beautiful. To me, all those she turned down or insulted because of their looks deserve better, I mean, beauty is deep within. Insulting any guy who showed passes on her because they were not her description of hot was unfair. We are human, no one would want to be rejected or confirmed to by the opposite sex they aren’t good looking.
Enough of all the lamentation, I admit I was jealous and the same time sorry for her. She was making her life a competition she would definitely lose. She couldn’t take me out on my sense of fashion. I helped her out of fashion disasters so many times worse being she couldn’t admit that there are guys who would prefer me to her. That reality made her bail on me as her friend. Her relationship wasn’t all flowery and she needed help. She could only turn to me, the very same friend she despised. On my case, everything else was perfect; an amazing relationship, having fun at work, simple life as I have always wanted.
As small as it seems, we lost each other. It’s not the same now; I keep a low profile while she wants to be taken as a queen. Sadly am back to my despicable habits – getting ‘booze’ and venting to my diary, writing the night away. It’s what I do best and if this is any consolation, I love my life. Writing is my second lover after my loving boyfriend.